it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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