The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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