oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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