i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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