I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
