Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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