my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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