i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
