Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
