i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
