now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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