Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
