Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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