but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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