I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
