come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
