we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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