Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
