I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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