I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
