You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
