Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
