you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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