Are we in a gay sports bar?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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