we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
