i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
