My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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