You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
