I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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