Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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