So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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