please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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