She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
