I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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