his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
