Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
