Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
