i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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