GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
