im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
