i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
