Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
