Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
