his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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