i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
