I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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