so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
