i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize