Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
