Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
