I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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