On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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