is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
