do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
