So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
