Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
