On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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