i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize