My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
