I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
